Production week is finally here, and opening night is tomorrow! You’d think the nervous anticipation and good notes I’ve gotten would make me happy, but I am not.
I am furious.
Permit me to have a little fit of rage on this blog, will you? Thanks. I appreciate it.
I really am not loving my costume, you guys. I’m really not. First off, it’s made of this icky looking crushed velvet,
|Say it with me, children: TACKY.|
And it’s made in the style of the Austen-era dresses. So, like this:
Which sounds pretty in theory, but I discovered something: When you’re as short as I am, and your hips are as ample as mine, you end up looking like a pregnant walrus stuffed in a trash bag.
Which is all well and good, I mean, I can deal with that. I’m used to looking fat onstage, that just comes with the territory of having curves. But they decided to rub a little bit of salt in my fatty wound, because the sleeves are so tight I can barely move in them. Last time I checked, arm corsets weren’t in style, um, EVER. So I basically become Barney for the night.
|Look deep into my eyes.|
So my movements are extremely restricted, and that screws me up, because as the Queen of Hearts, I move a LOT. And instead of helping a sista out, the costumer said to suck it up and make it part of my character. Which irritates me, but I’ve learned to adapt- kinda. It’s still difficult, but it’s not nearly as bad as…. The Wig.
The wig deserves a special little corner of hell, to be perfectly frank. It’s horrible, it’s terrible, it’s itchy, it’s hot, it’s as ugly as golem,
|Ugly? Whaddaya mean, ugly?|
I just………. hate it. Maybe it’s because I’m in a show, so I’m just mentally in Broadway, but gosh, I feel like this towards the wig:
Just apply the lyrics to the wig. It’s perfectly fitting, and actually kind of hilarious to picture. Can’t you just see the girls singing about a wig? HA.
The thing is, I KNOW I’m not supposed to look “pretty” in this show. I GET THAT. But I hate being ugly. I already have self-image problems as is. I don’t need that horrid hairpiece getting in the way. It’s also not even CLOSE to looking steampunk, which is stupid, because that is what the whole freaking play is themed. I look like Edna Mode.
Or maybe this dude:
|The possibilities are ENDLESS when you look this ugly!|
I just realized we’re all short, loud, and sassy. Great. I really AM one of them now.
Anyway, I HATE the way it looks. It’s a very round shape, which makes my face look round, which makes my body look round. And as we’ve stated before, I have issues with that. So, I look like an evil Pillsbury dough boy. :^( I hate feeling like this. I hate being a brat. I hate being whiny. But I HATE feeling disgusting. I just look terrible. I was hoping I might look pretty in this one, but oh, no! Not so!
The horrible thing about it all is they won’t let me change it! I would willingly dye my hair black for this role, and there are so many other ideas that would actually FIT THE DANG THEME, but apparently, I’m a puppet with no mind of it’s own.
(I realize that was a tad dramatic and abrasive, but I’m still riding the adrenaline from tonight, and hello? I’m the queen. Aren’t I entitled to fits of rage??)