Alice in Wonderland

I am absolutely serious when I say that I am going to FINISH blogging about 2013 before it ends, and that begins with Alice in Wonderland. I don’t know why I haven’t gotten around to it yet, but I am doing it now, so here goes.
Despite my diva fits and my ugly hair, the play actually went wonderfully. I think half the fun this time was just hanging out backstage and goofing off with my friends, honestly… Although being a loud, rude brat of a queen was fun too. ;^) We frolicked in the hallway,

Made faces showing the struggles of stage makeup,

Sexy, no?

And we even played around in the dressing room as pregnant ladies!

That was probably my favorite part, running around all round. Goofing off with these girls was wonderful, because I built friendships that I would have missed had I been onstage for the majority of the play.
I almost forgot! On opening night, I got a little present!

 Could this be what I was hoping for?

Can you tell a girl wrote that? :^)

Yes! At long last, I was getting a reply to Winter Formal! That made my night so much more fun, knowing I had a definite yes. :^)

With each performance I’m in, I learn all over again how wonderful it is to have an audience watching your every move. It puts pressure on you to do your best, and I have found that with that pressure, I remember everything more clearly. It was a wonderful experience, and it was AWESOME garnering laughs. I got quite a few, and each one was sooooooo perfect. It’s like emotional candy, knowing the audience likes what you’re doing.

All in all, it was a great performance, and I’m grateful for the opportunity I had to be the Queen of Hearts. :^)


Inside Jokes

This weekend has been simply wonderful, and it’s all been because of the wonderful, funny, beautiful girls I get to spend it with. I’m tellin ya, part of the joy of performing is bonding with my girlies in the dressing room. Many good times are had back there. We’ve come up with countless inside jokes, and I’m absolutely in love with them.
For instance, we were discussing silly things and I expressed my desire to walk onstage looking pregnant, because my dress looks like a maternity dress. (plus, that would explain my fierce anger. HORMONES!!) Soon, all the girls got into it, and we decided that that must happen. So in the dressing room, we stuffed various objects under our shirts and made ourselves look expectant.
So yesterday morning, I got the bright idea to send a sweet picture to each of them.
So I did.

The picture taking capabilities of my phone are astounding.
“On a scale of one to 9 months, HOW READY ARE YOU FOR TONIGHT??”
I enthused.

“Only about 4 months! 🙁 But I’m growing fast!”
Brittley stated.

“10 months!”
Jennika squealed.

“At the doctor’s office in labor!”
Lexi shrieked.

I was exceedingly happy they all replied with pictures of their own, because that was what I was hoping for, but didn’t say. That’s just how in sync we all are, I suppose. :^D
I love my girls. This weekend has been wonderful, and I’m grateful to have been with them from the conception of this idea to the delivery room of the stage.
Dang, that was deep.


Diva’s Lament

(sorry about the swear. This song just fits the title. And how about her voice, eh? Dang. :P)

Production week is finally here, and opening night is tomorrow! You’d think the nervous anticipation and good notes I’ve gotten would make me happy, but I am not.
I am furious.
Permit me to have a little fit of rage on this blog, will you? Thanks. I appreciate it.
I really am not loving my costume, you guys. I’m really not. First off, it’s made of this icky looking crushed velvet,

Say it with me, children: TACKY.

And it’s made in the style of the Austen-era dresses. So, like this:

Which sounds pretty in theory, but I discovered something: When you’re as short as I am, and your hips are as ample as mine, you end up looking like a pregnant walrus stuffed in a trash bag.
Which is all well and good, I mean, I can deal with that. I’m used to looking fat onstage, that just comes with the territory of having curves. But they decided to rub a little bit of salt in my fatty wound, because the sleeves are so tight I can barely move in them. Last time I checked, arm corsets weren’t in style, um, EVER. So I basically become Barney for the night.

Look deep into my eyes.

So my movements are extremely restricted, and that screws me up, because as the Queen of Hearts, I move a LOT. And instead of helping a sista out, the costumer said to suck it up and make it part of my character. Which irritates me, but I’ve learned to adapt- kinda. It’s still difficult, but it’s not nearly as bad as…. The Wig.
The wig deserves a special little corner of hell, to be perfectly frank. It’s horrible, it’s terrible, it’s itchy, it’s hot, it’s as ugly as golem,

Ugly? Whaddaya mean, ugly?

I just………. hate it. Maybe it’s because I’m in a show, so I’m just mentally in Broadway, but gosh, I feel like this towards the wig:

Just apply the lyrics to the wig. It’s perfectly fitting, and actually kind of hilarious to picture. Can’t you just see the girls singing about a wig? HA.
The thing is, I KNOW I’m not supposed to look “pretty” in this show. I GET THAT. But I hate being ugly. I already have self-image problems as is. I don’t need that horrid hairpiece getting in the way. It’s also not even CLOSE to looking steampunk, which is stupid, because that is what the whole freaking play is themed. I look like Edna Mode.


Or maybe this dude:

The possibilities are ENDLESS when you look this ugly!

I just realized we’re all short, loud, and sassy. Great. I really AM one of them now.
Anyway, I HATE the way it looks. It’s a very round shape, which makes my face look round, which makes my body look round. And as we’ve stated before, I have issues with that. So, I look like an evil Pillsbury dough boy. :^( I hate feeling like this. I hate being a brat. I hate being whiny. But I HATE feeling disgusting. I just look terrible. I was hoping I might look pretty in this one, but oh, no! Not so!
The horrible thing about it all is they won’t let me change it! I would willingly dye my hair black for this role, and there are so many other ideas that would actually FIT THE DANG THEME, but apparently, I’m a puppet with no mind of it’s own.


(I realize that was a tad dramatic and abrasive, but I’m still riding the adrenaline from tonight, and hello? I’m the queen. Aren’t I entitled to fits of rage??)

All the good feels.

This semester in Drama we came up with an idea: instead of doing the traditional performance at the end-of-the-year assembly, we would do a showcase and have an evening of scenes and one-act plays. It was a genius idea, so we set about finding scenes and ideas and soon we had an outline of a show. Then rehearsals began and we discovered something: focusing on something this big was very hard, and it got difficult to rehearse everything what with so many people in various scenes.
Things went downhill fast.
We got lazy, unprofessional, and it scared me. How were we supposed to pull this together with such disorganized students? It got to the point where we had to cut several scenes in the interest of preparation. My negative thinking got the best of me and pretty soon I dreaded going to Drama. Why was I in this class if nothing was going to happen? The showcase was going to be canceled, anyway, wasn’t it? Totally not worth wasting my time, and the other students agreed.
Then this week rolled around. Mr. Helmbold plainly stated that yes, we were still doing the show. None of us wanted to do it, but we had no choice. I wish I could say we buckled down and worked even harder, but we didn’t. If anything, we rehearsed even less. It just wasn’t worth it. I even asked my family not to come, and grudgingly relented when, at the last minute, they decided to come anyway.
I got to the auditorium where we sluggishly ran through our final piece, “Check Please”. The transitions were rough, people weren’t feeling it, and we generally felt sad. I was surprised to think that people actually showed up in the auditorium, especially when we were only going to fail.
We got backstage, where Mr. Helmbold gave us a mini peptalk, and then prayed for us. The prayer was perfectly stated, and I added my own to it. We then split up to get in our places for the performance.
The night was… Incredible. Absolutely incredible. We pulled together like a true team tonight, and we supported each other through and through. The phrase “The show must go on” is so true, and we smiled our way through the little hiccups and bumps in the road, and the show was a fantastic success. I am SO glad Mr. Helmbold didn’t give up on us. I am SO glad that I was proven wrong. I am SO glad we didn’t cancel this show, because we would have missed out on a unique, wonderful, beautiful experience. Everything was so worth it.
Oftentimes, I think I should give up on acting. I think I should forget about it and focus more on music. But then something like this happens, and I’m reminded why I love the stage. I love it because, for a few moments, I am not myself. I don’t need to worry about anything personal, I need to focus on who I am portraying at the moment. I need to be outside myself. And, for some blissful moments, I know the audience is watching me. I know the audience is focusing on me, and what I’m doing, and I love that. Call me vain, if you will, but I love the feeling I get when I have a shining moment onstage where I know people noticed me. It’s a beautiful thing! I love the way acting brings people together. I love how it’s not an individual thing; it’s very involved. A performance is only as strong as it’s weakest performer, so the pressure everyone feels to be better is very real and very motivating.
Tonight, as I was preparing my things, I decided I wanted to have some makeup to make me into a mime, because I was a mime in the very last scene, and I decided it would be a nice touch. So I texted my dad, asking him if we had any in our Halloween stuff. He said no, and asked why. I told him, and left my phone to go do some more prep. A little while later, someone came in and told me my dad was there! I found him holding a small black plastic bag and smiling. I looked inside and it was mime makeup! He even went so far as to get a sponge, a detail brush, and black accent makeup too. I was flabbergasted! This was not exactly cheap makeup, and he completely went above and beyond what I thought I wanted. But this, this was PERFECTION. I cannot begin to tell you how sweet that was. I didn’t ask him to do it, I didn’t need him to do it, he did it because he loves me. And that made everything better! I’m so glad he was thoughtful enough to do that for me, because the makeup brought the house down! If I hadn’t worn it, the scene still would have been funny, but not nearly as funny. So Daddy, if you read this, know that your sweet, selfless gesture helped make the show that much better. I’m going to remember this night with such fond memories, because of the fun time I had, but also because of the love that was shown.
And for the record, being a mime was SO FUN! I loved being as expressive as possible, and I garnered many laughs because of it. Miming allows for extreme goofiness, so I played that up as much as I could! It was so, so fun, and I’m glad Kayana cast me that way. Thank you thank you thank you! It was a way for me to grow and develop as an actress, and even though my face REALLY hurts from all the emoting, it was worth it a thousand times over.
In closing, I just want to express my love for everyone involved. Mr. Helmbold made a comment this evening that was very eye-opening to me. He said he had no part in this. This show was put on because of our hard work. He did not do anything- I’m not saying that in a rude way- we did it all. And it payed off! We now know we are more capable than we think. I’m grateful for that. I learned that the show really must go on, and I also learned that where we fall short, God makes up for it. I know without a doubt that had we not prayed and had faith that we could do this, the show would have flopped big time. Tonight was a true miracle. I’m so blessed to be in this program, I’m blessed to have such great friends, and I’m blessed to have a Heavenly Father who loves me, and without him, I wouldn’t be onstage. When I perform, I perform for Him. He gave me these talents, and I intend to use them for the rest of my life! I’m truly humbled that He would give me these gifts.
All in all, it was a night well spent.
All’s Faire in Love and War!


p.s. here are some mime pictures.

This turned out creepier than I anticipated.


Cast results

In case any of you didn’t know, I am happy to announce that I MADE IT INTO MACBETH!!!!!!!!! I didn’t get either of the roles that I was discussing in the previous post, but I have the privilege to play Lady Macduff! I am SSOOO jazzed, you guys. Thank you all for encouraging me, and having faith in my abilities as an actress. thank you for believing in me, even when I didn’t.
I am so thrilled!! I’ve missed being in a play- I love the atmosphere, it’s truly where I think I belong. I’m excited to be in rehearsals again, and I’m excited to memorize lines. I’m excited to be the first play in our new home, and I am so, so, so, SOOOOO excited to HAVE FANTASTIC COSTUMES. I love wearing amazing dresses, and I’m sure these costumes will be no different.
Have I mentioned my excitement?? Eep!
My first rehearsal is Nov. 12th, and I cannot wait!

Performances will be Jan. 20th- Feb. 1st.
So, so happy! Get ready for more performance-related posts!!


Let the (agonizing) wait begin!

As I’m sure you’ve heard, I auditioned for AYT’s Macbeth yesterday, and now all that’s left to do is the waiting process. If you’ve ever been with me while I’m waiting for the results of a play, you will know that I become neurotic. If you haven’t been with me, take my word for it- I. Go. Insane. The reason I haven’t posted about this recently, is because I don’t want to “jinx” myself, in an essence. I’ve done that before, and I hate reading those posts over again.
 So, to spare you the drama, I’ve tried to hold it in, but now I can’t! I’m desperate for relief! Plus, I’m 99% sure I got in (because Andrea said we pretty much all were in, when we went to callbacks), and now it’s a matter of who I am in the cast. I really really really really really really really really really really REALLY want to be Lady Macbeth, because I think it would be a big challenge to play her, and I think I’m ready for that. Plus, she is one of the more serious characters, and I would like to explore the serious side of acting, rather than being a bubble-brain, which I’ve played on various occasions. I want to show everyone my acting diversity, and I want to show myself as well. I want to push myself, and live up to my motto, “Make it a Zoni-worthy performance”, because I’ve been nominated for one, but this time I would like to WIN one. How neat would that be? To WIN a ZONI??!! Wow. I think I could do it, I really do. If I just give my all to this performance, than there’s nothing stopping me from getting an award, right?
However, there is a big chance that I won’t get to be Lady Macbeth, and I’m trying to let myself down gently, because I need to be realistic. I’m not the most talented actress in AYT, and I’m certainly not the longest-running in AYT. My best bet in reality is probably one of the three witches, which would still be loads of fun, because I’d get to be insane, and I’ve never been insane either, so I guess either way I can’t lose.
But I still would love to be Lady Macbeth.
I’ll let you know later tonight!


Why I love concerts

I was going to write about how cool the concert was, but I decided, nah. I don’t wanna, and guess what? You aren’t going to change my mind! 😛
I really only remember A) screaming like a possessed fangirl when I saw Forest Kline, and B) wanting so badly to be up onstage.
I love concerts because of the effort put in by the artist. They don’t get up and sing, they get up and PERFORM, and that’s what I love. Seeing someone put so much passion into doing what they love gives me hope, and more than the vibrating of the thunderous bass, the emotion is what I remember. Watching someone bare their soul for the world to see, and shamelessly flaunting it is inspiring. I want to do that in the world; put my life into words, and put those words to music, and I want to express it for someone. Be it five people, fifty, or five thousand, it makes no difference. If I can reach at least one person through my performance, and somehow make them feel better, than I have done my job.
I feel like music is what I was meant to do in this life. I want to be an influence for good in what I do, and music is the powerful, driving force that follows all of us where we go. Think about it: you are surrounded by music. It’s a world you can’t ignore, it’s a delicate balance of pure goodness and pure evil. If you seek out the beauty, your life is better for it.
I think I’ll try hard, and someday get there.


The play!

Tonight, Geneal and I were privelaged enough to be able to volunteer at AYT’s current play, Cinderella. I got to take tickets, and Geneal and a friend helped usher people.
Now, as we all know, I am a hopeless romantic, and whenever I go ANYWHERE, I always hope to be able to see an attractive male that I happen to know. The attractive male I was thinking about this time was, of course, Cody. I was silently hoping that tonight would be the night he decided to come, and that he’d notice me- even for the tiniest fleeting moment.
Well, apparently the universe was in my favor because

CODY WAS THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahem. Please excuse that outburst, but you see, nothing like that EVER happens to me. Cute guys NEVER show up when they SHOULD, which is endlessly irritating, in all honesty. But this time, he did! And as soon as he walked in the door, he saw me and MADE A BEELINE FOR… WAIT FOR IT….
Did I mention how that has never in a million years happened?? He ignored everyone else and made straight. For. ME. We chatted it up, and I thought he would go away as soon as I started taking tickets, but no! He waited patiently the whole time! And when he went to go say hi to Kristen, and his mom went up to hand me her tickets, she was talking to one of her other sons, and said:
“Yeah, he didn’t even say hi to her! He just went straight for her!” and she gestured to me, and smiled.
I totally felt like a princess. It just made me feel so special, and I spend enough time hating myself that me genuinely feeling special is something really rather rare. 
Gosh, he is cute. 
Which brings up another thing: cute guys just don’t talk to me. It doesn’t happen. I think I’m a permanent wallflower, which sucks big time. But HE pays attention to ME. I don’t think he realizes how truly wonderful that is. 
And even though I know nothing will ever come out of this confusing, almost-relationship, it still means the world to me that he chose to hang out with ME during Scarlet Pimpernel, and not Madison or Kennedy, who were easily the hottest girls in the cast. Which stinks that I have to admit it, but if you saw the show (or were actually IN the show,) you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. So having a guy like him even bother to look twice at a girl like me, it’s pretty dang huge. 
And he is so, so cute!
I wish we could date.
(p.s., the play was absolutely, completely, 100% FANTASTIC. It was so well done I’m still riding a high from it. And, you know, seeing Cody and all that.)


So, after a year of being a retired choir student, I’ve decided to take the plunge and sign up again. I’ve realized that music really is who I am, and I can either take every chance I get to share that love with others, or I can sit down and wish for opportunities to come along. So, I’m taking a little risk and auditioning for Encore choir. It’s less traditional, and more contemporary, which seems right up my alley. No dancing, just straight up cool music. They’ve performed a few times during lunch, and so far, I’ve liked what I’ve heard. So now the question is…. What song am I going to audition with?! I have a few ides, such as:

  • Ordinary Day~ Emilie Mover
  • Love Story~Taylor Swift
  • Hold Me~ Jamie Grace
  • Fidelity~ Regina Spektor
  • The Show~ Lenka
  • Folding Chair~ Regina Spektor
  • The Way I Am~Ingrid Michaelson
  • Something That I Want~Grace Potter
I also REALLY love the song “Cold”, by Lucy Schwartz and Aqualung, but I don’t know if it’s the right style. I guess I could do show tunes as well, but ugh! I do not like them unless I’m in a show that has them in it. So, yeah. That’s the deal, currently.